Attraction is a dangerous thing. But you know what’s worse? Attachment. That shit is fatal.
Every time a guy tells me he is a ‘nice boy’ and not like the others out there, I want to believe him. I really do. But when you have been consistently betrayed in the past and constantly lied to, it takes more than just courage to start trusting again. You want to put yourself out there and be in love again, but the shattered pieces of your heart you recently glued back together are still too fragile to undergo another turmoil.
A guy once told me that because of a bad experience he had with a girl, he can never trust any girl again. Fair enough, I thought. Most of us today have trust issues. It was what he said next that left me disturbed. He said he would rather hurt women, than be hurt by them. Now that’s some next level damage. If everyone starts thinking this way, whom can you turn to for love and honesty? (I was disturbed because these words were being told to me by the person I was extremely attached to, once upon a time.)
Just look around you. People are either getting married in their early 20s, or not getting married at all. And then there is the third kind – and my heart goes out to this bunch – the ones who aren’t ready for marriage but eventually give in to family pressure and tie the knot in their mid or late 20s.
I say, what is SO wrong with not wanting to get married at all and not wanting to start a family? Or getting married when you’re finally ready for that kind of commitment, even if that means you’re 45? Why not let an individual make that choice for him/herself? Just because you, a parent, want to fulfill your desire of playing with your grandchild on your lap and watching your ‘family name and legacy’ being carried forward, you get your child married to someone against their will and demand them to churn out babies!
A girl has barely set foot in her 20s and is still figuring out what adulthood is all about, when everyone in the family takes the unanimous decision of turning her into a wife and making her experience the oh-so-blissful joy of motherhood! Her restless parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles and their dogs start the eager hunt for a ‘well-settled, well-to-do’ guy. Parents, wake the fuck up – the world is a scarier place today than it was in your days. Infidelity is trending worldwide above any hashtag on Twitter.
Speaking of infidels, my family has a whole bunch of them. If not divorced, their relationship is tainted with lies and beytrayal. No one around me is leading a ‘normal married life’. Including my own mother, who is a widow. My father passed away in 2007, and for five years I saw my mother battle depression. Not to mention, the society and relatives who had either shunned her or added to her trauma by trying to control her life and telling her how to live it.
Five years later, through a chance encounter, she met an incredible man. How they met is another story altogether! They mutually decided to not get married or have a wedding, for their own reasons. But my mother’s family was having a hard time accepting this. After gauging their reactions, she decided to share this happy chapter of her life only with those who mattered to her.
It’s been four years since they first met, and this gentleman has been there for us through thick and thin, at every step of the way. I couldn’t have asked for a more caring, kind, understanding, affectionate and genuine partner for my mother. She deserves to be happy after all that she has been through. It’s about time we stop giving a fuck about what society has to say about our families. People will talk, either way. Why endanger your happiness and mental well-being for the sake of others’ opinions?
Expecting to be in love with one person till the grave is unrealistic. Falling in and out of love is what makes up our lives. But is coming out clean really that difficult? It’s possible to love two people at the same time. But being ‘in love’? That can only happen with one person at a time. This world would be a happier place if people were simply honest about the way they felt.
I’m now at a stage where I just don’t wish to get too close to a guy anymore. Devoting my time and energies to my work has proved to be more fruitful and satisfying. As far as love is concerned, all I have to do is look at my mother and her better half to fill my heart with warmth. Maybe I’ll find what she has at a later phase in my life. Until then, I think it’s okay to have a little fun with the commitment-phobic idiots.